


Hope is Difficult

by Angelwithwingsoffire



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, COVID-19, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25130065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelwithwingsoffire/pseuds/Angelwithwingsoffire
Summary: Firefighters aren't immune to a global pandemic, and despite their precautions, Eddie has fallen ill and is in the hospital. Christopher is staying with Buck and together the three of them are just trying to get through this.From a Tumblr Prompt
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 111





	Hope is Difficult

**Author's Note:**

> This got a little more angsty than I had originally intended, but that seems to be the mood I was in when I wrote it.

When Buck’s alarm went off, he rolled out of bed, quickly turning it off, and headed for the kitchen to start breakfast. He worked quietly, not wanting to wake Christopher in the small guest bedroom Buck had put together for him off the living room of the loft. As it cooked, and the coffee maker warmed up, Buck sat at the counter, dropping his head into his hands. He couldn’t believe everything that had changed in the last two months. When the virus first got bad in March, they thought everything was going to be okay. They were using every precaution in the book, trying to keep the team safe as they helped people. And then, on Buck’s one day off, he got a call he’d been dreading. A car accident victim had ripped Eddie’s facemask off while he was helping her from the car. She’d shown all the symptoms of COVID, and Eddie had to go immediately into quarantine. He’d called Buck in tears, not knowing what to do. Between the two of them, they were able to decide that Buck was going to pick Christopher up from Abuela’s, the last time they visited her too as she went into isolation at Eddie’s request, and then go pick up everything Chris would need for a month away from home. Christopher moved in that night, and Eddie went home to an empty house.

The last time Buck had seen Eddie, it was through the glass windows of the house when Buck and Christopher went to visit on Father’s day. They had sat on the phone, talking through the speakers and waving to Eddie from the sidewalk. Two days later, Eddie called to tell Buck that he was admitting himself to the hospital because he couldn’t breathe. It had been almost two weeks now since the day Eddie had been exposed, he’d been in the hospital for three days, and Buck fucking _missed_ him. The last time he’d held Eddie in his arms had been the night before Eddie was exposed, when Buck hugged him goodbye and Eddie went into work. He didn’t know someone could physically ache with the need to give somebody a hug, but that was just one of the many things he’d learned since it had all started.

The coffee maker beeped, startling Buck from his thoughts, and he got up quickly to pour himself a cup, once again having to stop himself from automatically making Eddie a mug as well. The only time Buck made big breakfasts was at the Diaz house, with both of his boys with him, but now it was just the one. As Buck flipped the first omelet out of the pan, he heard familiar footsteps across the loft.

“Buck?”

He turned around, putting a small smile on his face at the sight of Christopher in front of him. “Morning buddy.”

Christopher smiled back, getting himself up into what was now his seat, ready for breakfast. Buck slid the first omelet down in front of him, and Chris automatically tucked in, eating out of habit more than hunger.

“How are you doing buddy?” Buck asked gently. “I heard you get up again last night.”

Chris stared down at his omelet, carefully eating a piece before speaking. “I had another nightmare about Daddy.” He admitted softly. “He didn’t look good.”

“I’m sorry buddy. You know you could have come up by me? Or called for me?”

Chris shrugged. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You will never be bothering me Chris.” Buck reminded him. “I want you to ask for help if you need it, okay? I’m never going to tell you no.”

Chris took another bite, avoiding giving an answer for a moment before nodding. “Can we call him today?”

“Sure buddy.” Buck agreed immediately. He knew how much it would cheer both Diaz boys up to talk to each other, even if they couldn’t visit him. “I’ll text him after breakfast and see when he’s up?”

“Okay.” Chris agreed quietly.

Buck didn’t know how to continue the conversation, so the kitchen fell into silence. It was an unfortunately common occurrence these last few days, ever since Eddie went into the hospital. When Eddie was at home, it was easier for them all to hold out hope. Being at home meant that Eddie was able to take care of himself, eating the meals Carla, Bobby, and Buck were dropping off on his porch in a rotation they decided very early on. But now that Eddie was in the hospital, and only accessible through short Facetimes in between all the sleep Eddie needed to have energy for those calls, it was a lot harder to have hope. Every time they called, he looked more tired, and Buck was dreading the moment he got the call from Eddie that he was being put on a ventilator. For now, the oxygen alone was keeping him afloat, but it wouldn’t be much longer if Eddie didn’t start getting better soon. He didn’t know how he was going to explain to Christopher that Eddie couldn’t talk to them anymore because he had a tube forced down his throat to keep him breathing.

“Buck?” Christopher’s voice broke through the silence, regaining Buck’s attention from the omelet he’d been making for himself.

“Yea buddy?”

“Do you think Dad’s going to get better?” Christopher’s voice was small, obviously scared and nervous.

Buck took a deep breath, pasting a smile on his lips. “Do you remember what I told you when you moved in with me? And again when your dad had to go into the doctor’s?”

Chris just turned and looked at him, obviously trying to ask Buck to say it again.

Buck moved forward, sitting down next to Christopher and taking the boy’s hand. “We have to have hope.” He whispered. “We give your dad our hope, our love, and our strength, and we support him through this, just like he has always supported us. And when all of this is over, we’re going to all be back home, together again.”

“Okay Buck.” Christopher sighed. “I’ll be strong for him.”

“We both will.” Buck agreed. He stood back up, kissing Christopher on the forehead, and then went to get his food as well. He grabbed his phone, shooting Eddie a text to let him know that Chris wanted to video chat as soon as possible. As he tucked into his food, he got a text back.

“Your dad says he’ll be able to call in about twenty minutes, okay?” Buck told Christopher. “Once we finish eating, we’ll be able to talk to him.”

Buck saw Christopher cheer up, brightening at the thought of getting to see his dad. “Thanks Buck.”

“Of course buddy.” Buck smiled, reaching over to ruffle Christopher’s hair.

The didn’t talk about it anymore, eating and talking about Christopher’s schooling instead. Chris had started online school in March, and Buck was doing his best to support him with it, but things had changed a lot since he was in school. Buck was good at most of the science stuff, but Eddie had been the one who helped with the social sciences stuff. Now Buck was just trying to do anything he could to keep Christopher’s education going, while worrying about Eddie on the side.

Once they were done, Buck put both their plates in the sink, and they went to the couch to call Eddie. Buck pulled the call up on his phone, and it only rang a couple times before it connected, and Eddie appeared on the screen in front of them.

Buck had to hold back a cry at the sight of Eddie. Every time they talked, the other firefighter looked more and more tired than he had the time before. The circles under his eyes were darker, his smile smaller, and Buck could tell that he was reaching the end of his energy. If the medications didn’t start making a difference soon, Eddie was going to be on a ventilator before the week was up.

“Dad!” Chris cried, seeing Eddie on the screen.

“Hey there.” Eddie sighed. They could see his fingers at the edge of the camera, stroking the screen where their faces were displayed. “It’s good to see you.”

“Are you feeling better?” Christopher asked, looking hopeful.

“A little.” Eddie smiled. Buck could hear the break in his voice though, knowing it was most likely not the truth. “I always feel better when I get to talk to you.”

“Do you think you’re going to be home soon?”

“I don’t know buddy.” Eddie’s face fell and they could see a couple tears in his eyes. “You know I have to be completely better before they’ll let me leave.”

Christopher’s shoulders fell. “I miss you though.”

“I miss you too.” Eddie replied, his voice soft.

“Hey Chris, why don’t you go get the drawing you did yesterday and you can show your dad?” Buck suggested, trying to steer the conversation back towards happier thoughts.

Chris nodded, brightening again, as he got to his feet. As he left the shot, Buck could see Eddie’s face fall, obviously even more exhausted than he had been at first glance.

“How are you actually?” Buck whispered, trying to not let Christopher hear him.

“I’m tired Buck.” Eddie answered honestly. “I don’t know how much longer this can go on.”

“Are they tubing?”

“Not yet.” Eddie shook his head. “But if I drop any more, they will.”

Buck took a deep breath, trying to stay strong, but he knew there were tears in his eyes. “Keep fighting, okay? You keep fighting, you beat this, and you come home to us. Please.”

Eddie nodded. “I’m trying.”

“Don’t try. Succeed.”

Eddie chuckled, too tired to even laugh fully anymore. “I can’t die yet, I haven’t gotten to marry you yet.”

“Marry me?” Buck asked. “You haven’t even proposed to me yet, you have a lot left to do.”

Eddie smiled. “I know, you just wait till I get out of here. Prepare to be woo’d.”

“I look forward to it.” Buck sighed, staring at the picture. Seeing Eddie now, illness plain on his face, it was hard to remember the bright, healthy man Buck fell in love with. But Buck refused to think the worst, no matter how hard it got. Eddie was going to get better. He had to.

“I love you.” Eddie whispered, seeing the emotions flashing across Buck’s face.

“I love you too.” Buck whispered back. He could hear Christopher’s door open again, so he straightened up, wiped the tears off his face, and put on a smile. “There you are, we thought you might have gotten lost on the way there.”

Chris laughed, taking the time to close his door, giving Eddie a moment to put his mask back on. “I wanted to make sure it looked it’s best so I had to fix it a little.”

The two firefighters smiled fondly, loving the spirit Christopher still had. They were all worried, but so long as they kept hope, they were going to be okay.

Buck helped Chris get settled on the couch again, and then sat back and watched the Diaz boys interaction. He could see how it made Eddie happier to see his son, but he could also see how quickly it was exhausting him. They didn’t have much longer before Eddie was going to have to go, and he’d rather Christopher get to talk to his dad than take the time up on himself. If Eddie didn’t start getting better, it wouldn’t be long before they would only be able to communicate through texts and pictures. Buck already knew Eddie didn’t want Christopher seeing him with a ventilator attached. If this was the end, Eddie didn’t want Christopher remembering his dad like that. They wanted to remember him happy, healthy, and at home with Chris. But only time would tell if they got to have that back. And maybe with a little luck, Buck wouldn’t have to lose somebody else he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> My [tumblr](https://angelwithwingsoffire.tumblr.com/) is here


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